Through the crowd i scanned till my eyes fell on him. I studied his features, a crop of black hair ,a mesmersing pair of eyes and an adorable face. I wonder if he knew i was looking, a secret smile spread across my face.

Secrets.No one but the two of us knew exactly what was going on. I disappeard round the corner, and returned shortly to avoid the crowd.My eyes followed you as you attempted to walk the same path i had done.You returned after realising, i was back.I grinned, I knew what was on your mind. I hid the smile, hoping you didnt realise I knew.

You had been watching me too.

7:29 PM
Bridget

Silent laughter

Secret smiles

Subtle flirting

Mysterious actions

Hidden intentions





3:49 PM
Bridget

SIGH..






10:50 PM
Bridget

the past weeks with you have been so perfect up until today..while we were on the phone...and i was complaining that you cant do it ..and you went that
" your not my mother,wife or gf"

i was so upset...and it brought up the conflict that i have within myself...of who am i..whats gg on between the 2 of us...and its like im doing nothing but just wasting my time ( im not, i know what im doing...i did think over carefully..and i am willing to wait...even though its 2 years...)

it got me wondering...did i even matter to you at all ? and all those moments we spent together...were they wad my frens warned me about...flirting..toying with my emotions...no...their wrong they dont know wads going on they cant see the problem...or the transparent barriers between us that were able to see..

stupid...if they call it...i asked you.."who am i to you?"
you said " a very good close fren of mine"

it seems as though ive reached my peak...i cant climb any higher than im already at...im gonna remain there steady and strong...

but tonight...let me cry my heart out...and feel the Lord's arms tightly around me in a warm embrace to let me know..its alright..

everything going to be alright tmw...

9:25 PM
Bridget

omg...
HE SAID IT HE SAID IT HE SAID IT
but he said it in the most stupid way...
:(

the situation went like this..
i often forget to pick up his calls... :)
and he will grumble...so i promised that i would try my best to pick up all his calls...haha...so yesterday...when he called at 10 plus...i didnt pick up his call as my phone was upstairs and i was below..
so when i finally realised he called...i called him back..
but it was late...and he needed to sleep ( such a baby!)
i said: sorry!
he said: stupid la you! go and die! dun want talk to you!
-i whined-
he said: ok la! i love you! i love you!
call you later.. ( which he didnt)

My heart was beating against my chest so rapidly after i came to the realisation of what he said...OMG...haha...but he did it in a so unromantic way?idiot...im not gonna count it...i wonder if you meant it ? maybe you just said it to satisfy me...but u dont say/ do things u dont mean...ur not that kind...

so i guess u meant it..a little ? somehow ? haha...i dun know..
i have my insecurities...

but like today afternoon...while we were on the phone...we were talking some crap and suddenly u said: i know u love me...i wanted to say something to defend myself...but gor and dad were like right in front of me? i mean its already obvious to them im talking to a guy... somehow i think they were like eves-dropping on our conv..haha...I WANT A CORDLESS PHONE.. so i just kept silent...

i guess...i like you...your something that comes to my mind daily...but im afraid..i dun like you as much as u like me..( i am so mad) and what if i play u along...i dun want to just get together for a stupid period of time only to break up and end up giving the other the cold shoulder or stray away...i dont want to argue and end up hurting the other..life should be filled with smiles,laughter,joy,peace and love...and thats what u give me..

U COMPLETE ME



10:05 PM
Bridget

FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY

watched WALL.E :)

The show was fantastic...I LOVE PIXAR

their such an intelligent bunch...infact their geniuses!

i mean like how on earth could they use such mininal talking and still manage to get the message across..gosh...i can watch it again i tell ya..

I mean they managed to show the barrier of love between WALL.E and Eve how two lovers from different places are obstructed from being together through the simple usage of the light bulb etc...It brought across smoothly on eof the many obstacles that lovers face...i mean it was simply amazing...

and the other message...which was that man are getting far too reliant on technology...that they simply leave everything into the hands of machines...and are getting lazier by the minute...i mean...yeah...

whatever it is...I LOVE WALL.E...he will make a fantastic bf...his so sweet to Eve..lol...haha..and his so toot...lol...

~ thank you for making me feel like im yours..

6:48 PM
Bridget

Whee..
One more emaths paper to go..
LOL..
Mock exams were pretty much alright..
except for
lit-poem
history-incomplete
chemistry-whats new ?
biology-paper one

LOL...but i think i will do better than i did for prelims..haha...God been kind to me...like for SS & History all the chapters i studied for came out...haha...and chem paper wasnt as challenging as it usually was so i might pass..Thanks Lord! for being ever so gracious with me...cant wait for Os to be over...and be FREE!
There so many things i wanna do:

work (RMT)
shop
sleep
Youth camp
Kids camp
Holiday <3
shop
date
sing

haha..lol...gave him my blog link last week...he asked for it...i told him...he may not like what he sees...then he said he will just spam and not read...(gosh dont u think his so considerate!sweet!)haha...actually...im kinda looking forward to him finally reading it...but in the end he decided not to as his afraid he might get tempted to read on..(told u his considerate)...so maybe he would read it eventually :)

haha...im not so emo anymore :) I think the reason why i was emo..was i keep jumping to conclusions that he would leave me...LOL...(im so dumb)...but recently our communication improving...actually its always...due to him forcing out of me...not that its bad...laugh...im just very reluctant to speak my mind...scared that it would come out the wrong way...so i guess...its good that i finally speak my mind :D And yes...his LOVE...because his so patient with me..

haha...shit...were not even dating...LOL HAHAHAHA *mad*

6:41 PM
Bridget

10:44 PM
Bridget

went SP today...it was awesome...enjoyed...the immersion programme...so thankful for leroy...that we ended up in e same course...if not i will be a loner..lol..DADP...was FUN...i mean...i got to see how drama n psychology go hand in hand...and the lesson was like solving a mystery ?rather interesting...

And the group that i was with...haha...i had no idea that they were a bunch of sec 3...lol...they were very humourous...and yes...im rather embarrassed by the fact that they managed to coax/black mail me into taking on the most difficult stance...in the tablaew ( whatever way its spelt)...damn it the whole class laughed...i must have looked rather idiotic...TSK...

i like DADP...as i never knew you could use drama to help ppl...as in to help "heal" them...its so amazing...that u can use drama to work with abuse kids or even prisoners...its like in a way..i can do what i love and at the same time help others...its like killing two birds with one stone! But i still love to perform on stage...i will just audition for lasalle...and if i get in fantastic...if not its alright...

as was Ian said to me today,"God has planned for us so far ahead...that we far from being able to comprehend why he did it."

Speaking of the OLDIES...i learned so much from them today while we were having makan....(as France calls it- so cute) the topic of relationship came about...and we talked about things that hardly ppl my age would openly want to comment about...and yes...it was so insightful...that i could hardly contain it that i simply needed to blog about it now in the middle of the night...

our conv...mainly revolved around how sometimes ppl are so blinded by love...that they do not see the faults in their partner that is so blatantly obvious to the naked eye that the rest do...and in the end it just results in a divorce/breakup...its saddening...because as a catholic...we dont except this...we do not believe that u should simply walk out of a relationship because u see a loop hole in it...no...because we are binded to the marriage contract...we cannot make such a fickle and irresponsible act..therefore...the main message that they kept drilling into me was that- dont JUMP...into a relationship...just because everything seems so right....the emotional want...to be held is so strong that it blinds my judgement...i may think that i am mature enough...to think straight...find that his the perfect man for me..(but mayb im wrong...mayb im simply JUMPING...into it just because of lust? attraction? attention?emotional need?)

DONT JUMP...look before u walk...think before u speak...so mayb...i finally finally get it...why his so hard up about finding that girl...that he wishes to fully commit himself to...thats because he does not want to jump into a bottomless pit...and find that he is actually struggling....mayb so...and i should have the upmost right to be persued and not to persue? right? yes,i absolutely do...

12:34 AM
Bridget

if there was one wish in the world that you could make...what would it be ?
At first.. i thought: HIM..
but then i thought to myself i cannot be so selfish...there are so many other people who are dwelling in more hatred and pain than i am in... so i thought again, thinking carefully...world peace? free of illnesses?
And then i got it-LOVE.

everyone would be happy knowing that someone loves them... there would be no more sorrow and pain... no more war and suicide attempts... things that cover the world with pain... would be dismissed... knowing that love exist...
Even if there were illnesses and pain... it wouldnt matter..because love would heal them all...hearts wouldnt hurt anymore...because the love between one another would heal everything within them and would no longer be able to penetrate our fragile hearts...

And i would know that someone loves me...it might not be him...but at least i know i am loved... i dun mean by friends or family members...but u know...someone you call your own...to hold...someone...u can depend on in your difficulties...in sadness...pain...and illness..it might not be him...but i would be loved...and the earth would be filled with eternal joy?

Wouldnt we Lord ?

7:00 PM
Bridget

smsed him this morning...feel kind of relief that he is stil talking to him...but his still behaving as though were accquaintances... :C Just being able to know that his still around...just gives me assurance...that i still can breathe..
im obsessed about him..

memories of the past kept flooding across my mind...about the times...when he was able to tell when i was upset when no one could...when he was so patient whenever i acted so immaturely...how he was always willing to listen whenever i was crapping...and how i would get irritated when i think his not interested..
sigh...i miss him...these moments brings a smile to my face...his the only who makes me smile instantaneously...my heart skips a beat when i see his name on my phone....

~i need to find you

6:41 PM
Bridget