SLASH
smoke
DRINK
morphine
CRY
suicide

I talked to thinn about it...she thinks im over-reacting...and that i shouldnt let my thoughts run while...she thinks...that i shouldnt behave the way i am...she says its in their nature...that their so fickle...i disagree...until now i dont think ur like that..ur different...ur not like those guys..IM SURE...it must be my fault..

9:34 PM
Bridget

12:06 PM
Bridget

WALL.E WALL.E WALL.E WALL.E WALL.E WALL.E WALL.E WALL.E

3:19 PM
Bridget

2:51 PM
Bridget

I wonder it i actually even possess the acting ability...i dont know..
cause everyime i perform or i go on stage...i just dont feel as though im adopting the person's persona/character/whatever...somehow what i put on stage seems to be a mirrored reflection for myself...

thats y its so easily enacted that the performance glides so smoothly without a hitch...and yes...ppl say its a sensational performance...and i really doubt my skills cause im not adopting the role of another...its just me...on stage...

confusion...

i always thought that the person on the stage wasnt me...although she bore a striking resemblance to me....but it seems deep down...my life really on display on that stage...



10:35 PM
Bridget

10:03 PM
Bridget

nightly conversations...are wad i look forward to everyday...love hearing the sound of your voice..but i really regretted what i asked u yesterday...i guess i shouldnt have probed u about it...but i really wanted to know what was going on...i know i touched a raw nerve yesterday..im sorry...i really didnt wish to upset u...u hung up soon after that and u didnt even wait for me to hang up like u usually would...u sounded so depressed and dejected :C



i sms today morning...but there was no reply..it could b possible that either ur still asleep or u didnt recieve it..(there sth wrong with e phone)Or the most obvious one is..u need time alone..even if u do reply...u will just say that ur alright...and that nth wrong..Arrgh! I feel so guilty!Im sorry!!!



on the way home today...i keep imagining that u would appear in front of me somehow...but its so impossible...u wont...where r u! i wanna c u now and fall into ur arms..

2:17 PM
Bridget

had chem MCQ test today...expected to pass (i never pass chem)...
but i didnt :C DISAPPOINTMENT..
i got 17/40...and before the paper...Miss Goh said that if u get 25 and a above ur guranteed a B4...And i thought...how hard can it be to get 25 ? difficult..
Moreover the paper was supposedly easy...as my frens got 30 plus ? their smart and its also cause i wasted a full one and a half year not studying chem...and i thought to myself...that although i just started..i got most the answers correct for e topics that i studied...the rest was the chapters i didnt cover...

So dont give up Kim! Persererance and determination is half the battle won! Its all in the mind..I so can totally do this..More work..less play...lets do this!

9:12 PM
Bridget

Another Monday! that means another week doewn to 'O' level...PANIC...yeap...and im starting to find Bio boring and taking an interest towards Chem...amazing...i wonder...if we lose interest in ppl overtime too...i wonder how that would feel ?

Parents are finally back from Tioman...Gosh...Daddy looks so cute...with his burnt face...he looked as though he has been BBQ in the sun...LOL...haha...HAPPY that parents are home...it now means no more early morning bus trips to school! IM SPOILT :p

sms...u night yesterday...and u called...Ahhhh!!! I LOVE HEARING YOUR VOICE! We talked for a while before...u told me to go to slp...and the thing was after that i couldnt slp...cause i was too engrossed thinking about u...LOL..so stupid...i just wished every night i could hear ur voice b4 i fall asleep..

9:46 PM
Bridget

"How can you spare someone feelings..By denying them?"
-Tuesdays with Morrie.

9:02 PM
Bridget

meaning to blog about this..since wednesday...

i witnessed a lover's spat on the train while i was on my joruney to tuition...This couple caught my attention as it seemed to me as though the girl friend was his Mum..but it was quite impossible...judging they were holding hands...and the guy looked like 20 plus ?

I had thought so because... the girl...was rather plump ( im so mean) and she looked pretty haggard..the guy on the other hand was scrawny had a rather angular face that was similar to that of a horse ( so so mean)...So anyways..the gf was playing with the bf 's touch screen phone...and they had their hands loosely intertwined...the guy looked stoned...while the gf tried to get his attention by tickling him with the styler..it didnt work..she attempted to poke his face with it-No reaction.So she returned him his phone by crossing her hand over and slipping it into his pants pocket..the guy was like a statue...

next she tried to slip her fingers through his, he refused.She tried again, no avail.Desparation and pain was written all over her face, she whined.He brushed her off,not wanting anything to do with her..Eventually she achieved what she wanted but he looked as though he didnt bother...she didnt matter..

Everyone..in the pursuit of love trying to seek attention, care, concern, love,protection, security...from someone special..and when u try ur hardest to get what u want and see...the person that u want the most brush u off as though ur not important, or that ur existence didnt matter..

It feels as though a dagger has been stabbed repeatedly through your heart.Red.The worse part is, the pain so excruciating that physical pain doesnt hurt..

because his closing the doors.Like a stray kitten, bitter and cold.I stood outside the door as the rain poured heavily.Drenched wet and alone. You locked the doors.I didnt matter.

12:08 AM
Bridget

Many events took place today..
release of chinese O level results...i got a B3....i wanted an A2 though...
Oh well...should i retake ? People say that i shouldnt..
want my A2...but kinda lazy to retake..
the funny thing is when i called her to tell her i got B3...she was like congrats!
then when i reach home she ask me what does B3 mean? LOL.. *BLURR MUM*
haha...
DPA...
i didnt get in...oh well...I'll just STUDY HARD HARD...and get into the course i want or i will just go LASALLE...and very soon u who is reading this will be paying BIG BUCKS..to watch me perform..
I AM SO WORTH IT..I ROCK!

Lastly, Orals...it was a very fun and memorable experience i have to say..at first half way through the passage...i cracked up...*shit* I couldnt stand it..cause the cute round teacher ( as i should describe him) tripped on his chair...then the female teacher looked at me...shit... i continued reading... smoothly i hope..
GOSH...im laughing again just thinking about it...LOL..

And when it came to conversation...i cried...why did they have to ask that question! why Lord! i kept asking myself that...they asked me to describe an elderly relative...the first thing that came to my mind was my Ah ma...and that tears started welling up in my eyes... i almost burst into tears...and i have NEVER EVER cried in front of my Grandma since i was about this short ( ok,so just short)

The cute round teacher was like: " its alright, take it easy" gosh... i hope i score well... i just told them stuff...that i dont usually talk to ppl about...stuff..that i pretend to be "STRONG" about...but it was fun doing orals..

A VERY EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE..

12th of August...filled with many events that stirred so many emotions within me..12th of august it was filled not only with feelings of anxiety,fear,anxiousness,joy,sorrow,pain...

but one very emotion that will be there on the 12th of every month is the most impt and the most raw..emotion of all..LOVE

4:21 PM
Bridget

did i say something wrong yesterday ?
Mayb i shouldnt have told u what was going on through my dumb head?
Did i hurt u with what i said?i didnt mean to...
Why didnt you talk to me today..One word syllabal answers..
Are u trying to distant urself away from me..pls dont
am i thinking too much...mayb ur really alright as u said so..
but i cant help but think otherwise..
that i should not have said everything that i did..
tmw is 11 months u knw that...
i dont think u do..
what more im not gg to c u on sunday..mayb i wont c u on friday either..
and mayb bit by bit the flimsy relationship that im holding on to with all my might will slowly disappear..and fail to exist..
i really miss u alot today..and ur not talking
i dont wanna lose u at all..ur too precious..

and T u say sometimes i let my thoughts wonder so far...
that i think of the impossible..i hope it is true now..
because i really want this to be just a figment of my imagination

11:51 PM
Bridget

National Day = Handing over ceremony :)
Glad that i have no more responsibilitles
sad to leave my CCA
Zenna will do a good job of running it, Im sure
Gold for ELDDS next year!!!
OLMPIC RACE WAS FUN!
although i almost choked on my banana
Just that it was rather embarrassing that i toppled the entire bench over and bruised my knee *BLUSH*
It showed a great deal of class spirit as we cheered each other on be it the relay,tug-of war or the Olympic race..

National day also meant more studying as what else could i be doing instead of that ? ALOT..like shopping..eating...sleeping..missing..watching..

5 STARS. A CRESCENT MOON.
RED.WHITE.
National day they call it.

6:58 PM
Bridget

The love that was meant to be..
slowly melted into a pool of obligation and guilt

its hurting more than it did before...the pain excruciating....my heart shrieks in silence...i wish u could hear my pleas..but i wouldnt want anymore guilt between the two of us..US...i wonder if that word is even applicable to begin with..

You knew it hurt me...im trying to be strong..i really am..and the truth is i cant deny what u said...i am weeping silent tears on the inside...in muted shame..
you werent the only one in the wrong, i was at fault too..but i still dont regret every single moment..and if there was one question i could ask you..
it would be if u could forget yesterday's events..But i cant seem to forget ever single moment...

Im the stupid one..

10:00 PM
Bridget

i wonder if its something bad to always be the one to make the first move ?
To be the one to inititate...
Im always the first to act...and sometimes im so tired of it...i just sit back and expect what i want to be done or what i want to come to me..
But it doesnt work that way does it ?
You want something, you get it urself..
Furthermore,if u keep waiting u will eventually regret y didnt u take the first step from the beginning...y didnt u bother to try..

I didnt regret any moment of today...it was perfect to me..even though it turned out this way...i have no regrets..

7:58 PM
Bridget

the words my lips will express..

10:06 PM
Bridget

TODAY IS A SAD DAY
DPA RESULTS ARE COMING OUT SOON
AND APPARENTLY SOME PPL HAVE TO GO FOR AUDITIONS
ACCORDING TO DENNIS
I HAVE NOT BEEN CALLED UP AT ALL
DOES THIS MEAN IVE ACTUALLY BEEN REJECTED?
REJECTION THATS WAD TODAY ABOUT..

9:22 PM
Bridget

tired of studying..
tired of talking...
tired of commiting..
tired of waiting..

I wish...i could simply focus on what i have to do and do it well...but it never seems to fall in place..i try my best..but it never seems right..i get up...trying again...not giving up...but i hit myself again...I try again..

The cycle keeps repeating...I tell myself i cant go on... but i just never want to quit cause i dont want to disappoint myself and Him...so i just keep going..but im so tired..i really am..y cant i just STOP my life here..

(WAD THE CRAP AM I WRITING)

IM HAPPY..really...Happy with how life is for me...i got everything in the world that i could ask for... Family..great friends...money..food..love..God..the thing is i just dont know how to balance everything i have...im like hanging on a cliff..

screwed..I WANT MY 8 PTS!!! but it doesnt seem to be coming..

when will i wake up to find that my life organised..

12:04 PM
Bridget